“StarCraft 2: Heart of the Swarm” to Require Constant Facial Recognition

Simon Krubrik the lead designer testing on a Q&A

Simon Krubrik, the lead designer, testing on a Q&A employee.

Blizzard has today shocked the world by announcing its latest DRM measure which many have slighted as “draconian” and “seriously not cool”. The new “facenet” security measure means that players must keep their faces in view of a webcam at all times in order to authenticate the game. Early beta tests have shown promise for the new service, although bugs include loss of connection due to sneezing, coughing or blinking. Blizzard justified the measure by stating that “with the rise in online piracy and the necessity to protect ourselves and our players from spam bots and scam mongers we concluded this was the only reasonable method.”

This new security measure will of course help protect the new “real money barracks” where players can purchase new units for micro transactions instead of resource gathering. Blizzard is very excited by its new feature, saying it gives players a whole new way to pay to win. Some fans and critics have expressed concern, with many saying that the new integrated store undermines the skill in playing the game. In response Michael “Mike” Morhaime released a statement saying “How many multi-million selling games have you made? Hm? What was that, none? Sorry I can’t hear you over ALL MY MONEY.”

The new measures were welcomed by some fans as they feel that the more secure they are the less likely their games will be hacked. “It’s great to hear they’re taking serious measures against piracy” said one fan “I’ve invested in eye drops to help lower the risk of blinking mid game, it’s a reasonable investment. If you disagree you’re probably a pirate or hacker.”

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.