Patent industry in crisis as “patent troll” patented

Ironically, patent leather was never patented

For the last five or ten years, the tech world has been constantly assailed by patent trolls, groups or companies who set out to obtain an obscure patent for a basic functions and then going after big names in the hopes of big cash payouts. They’re difficult and expensive to fight, but in a bizarre case of shifting allegiances, the tech industry could now find itself on the side of one such troll.

Synergistic Solutions Ltd has patented the words “patent troll” as well as the business method of “being a complete arse for money”. While initial hearings on the patent attempted to have it thrown out due to prior art (Jimmy Carr and Frankie Boyle being notable plaintiffs), the patent was granted, with Synergistic now preparing an extensive legal battle against patent trolls everywhere.

“Some people believe that we’re somehow “the good guys” in all of this” said CEO and sole employee David Mantle, “but the truth is that all the money we gain is coming from legitimate businesses in the first place, we’re just having it funnelled to us through an arbitrary means”. While the company has yet to make any money, investors are cautiously optimistic for a business model that essentially serves as a parasite on other parasites.

However, Synergistic’s reign of mild inconvenience is likely to be short lived. While patent law is notoriously fickle and hard to change, another start-up has patented the idea of a “patent troll troll”, which was followed swiftly by a “patent troll troll troll”, to the extent that no-one is quite sure who is suing who and the entire thing is ending up almost as arbitrary as the Apple/Samsung mobile patent war.

Big fleas have little fleas upon their backs to bite them, and little fleas have lesser fleas, and so ad infinitum.

About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at