Black Mesa miscommunication – creators actually releasing condiments

You have to appreciate a group who can design ketchup and mustard so exquisitely

While the gaming world was collectively pinching itself yesterday after it was announced that Black Mesa, the long-awaited fan-remake of Half-Life was getting a limited release, the development team realised that they had something of a problem on their hands.

“We’re not releasing Black Mesa yet,” said lead developer cman2k, “don’t be silly, it’s only been eight years since the project was announced and it’s well-known that we’re working on Valve time. No, what we meant to announce yesterday was the launch of our delicious new Black Mesa Sauce, a line of table condiments themed after various Valve properties. We’re sorry for any miscommunication on our part, it’s an easy mistake to make!”

The sauces, which will be distributed exclusively from the modder’s website, will feature items such as ApKetchup, Mann Co. Mustard and Breen Sauce. “We think we’re on to a winner,” one of the lead developers/chefs said. “Each time someone buys one of the sauces, they unlock the chance to buy a chef’s hat in Team Fortress 2. While we haven’t actually licensed any of the properties from Valve, we just agreed with them that they can take all the sales of the chef’s hats and they seemed okay with it!”

The modding team has since received several thousand death threats from irate fans who thought that they’d finally get the chance to experience a fourteen-year-old game on an eight-year-old engine. Despite several apologies and an offer of 50% off selected Black Mesa Sauces, the masses still haven’t been placated. The developers claim to be “slightly annoyed” about the whole thing, saying in another public message that “we made it fairly clear that we were going after the dinner-table market. People clearly just can’t read very well, I only hope they haven’t misinterpreted Valve’s upcoming description of the decay rate of certain isotopes of uranium…”

About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at