UN: All global issues to be solved using Minecraft

That’ssssss a very nice global assembly of nations you have there…

Following a successful reception for their Block by Block program, in which gamers are invited to build a replica African town in a sandbox game where carrying several tonnes of stone is routine and not a job for heavy machinery, the UN have announced that in future, all of their issues will be solved by using Mojang’s popular Minecraft.

One of the first ideas to be trialled is that of Arab-Israeli relations, where the heads of each nation will be tasked with collectively building a settlement in a desert biome with few natural resources. While initially the Palestinians requested the use of explosive creepers after the Israelis began dynamiting their villages and building a solid diamond wall between the two camps, after the two collectively fought off a zombie siege preliminary agreements over sovereignty were discussed.

It seems as well that the global energy shortage will be solved if simulations run in the game pan out. “We just put some tree stumps in the oven and we get instant coal!” said UN secretary-general Ban Ki-moon. “It’s just as good as the regular stuff we pull out of the ground, so we immediately commissioned the felling of the Amazon. After all, jungle trees provide about ten times more wood than temperate ones!”

Perhaps some of the most enthusiastic proponents of the move were mining companies, with Rio Tinto putting out a press release claiming that “we’re thrilled that so many people are finally looking at mining as a key sector of the world’s workforce. And if one company can make it look like our profession is anything other than a destructive, dangerous, boring and unregulated industry, then so much the better.”

About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at cieran@pixelgrater.com.