Exclusive Interview: Reggie Fils-Aime

By
Lewis Dunn
– September 17, 2012Posted in: Features

 

Last week members of the press were gathered to see the unveiling of the WiiU (again) and were given the price release date as well as the promise of Bayonetta 2 down the road. They even had hundreds of attendees, many of whom were overwhelmed by the quality software on offer. However, during an interview we accidentally conducted with Reggie Fils-Aime (we bumped into him outside the event. We say bumped into, followed is a more accurate term) we discovered an alarming fact.

Pixel Grater: Thank you for agreeing to conduct  this interview with us Mr Fils-Aime.

Reggie: Will you get out of the doorway to my hotel please?

PG: Mr Fils-Aime, would you say today was a resounding success?

Reggie: Yes, fine, whatever, look are you the bell boy or something?

PG: No I’m just wearing his uniform, Mr Fills A Mii, which of today’s announcements are you most pleased with today?

Reggie: Look kid, I just did a whole day of this shit, can I just go back to my hotel room in peace? Please?

PG: You’re avoiding the question Mr Fizz A Ski

Reggie: It’s Fils-Aime, and the price I guess, look I don’t care I just want to go take a bath.

PG: 3rd party support seems strong, but where were Square Enix?

Reggie: I don’t know; that’s a question for Mr Iwata I just do the American stuff. If you don’t move soon I’m going to call security.

PG: Just one final question Mr Kills a Bee, what are Retro studios currently up to?

Reggie: Retro? They’re doing a Metroid game aren’t they?

PG: Nothing has been announced.

Reggie: No, wait! It’s Donkey Kong! They’re doing Donkey Kong.

PG: You Mean Donkey Kong Country Returns?

Reggie: Yep, that’s the one, now can you fuck off?

PG: DKCR is already out Mr Bills a Plea.

Reggie: It is? Wait… so what you’re saying is that we haven’t told you what Retro are doing?

PG: Not on record no.

Reggie goes very pale

PG: Mr Gills on a Tree?

Reggie: I have to make a phone call. Several phone calls.

PG: Are you saying you don’t know what Retro is doing?

Reggie: Fuck off; you’ve ruined my evening you know that? I had a lavender bath bomb all prepared and now, NOW I have to go and deal with this.

PG: Mr Pills a Wii, thank you.

Reggie:                 Go die in a fire.

 

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.