Last week members of the press were gathered to see the unveiling of the WiiU (again) and were given the price release date as well as the promise of Bayonetta 2 down the road. They even had hundreds of attendees, many of whom were overwhelmed by the quality software on offer. However, during an interview we accidentally conducted with Reggie Fils-Aime (we bumped into him outside the event. We say bumped into, followed is a more accurate term) we discovered an alarming fact.
Pixel Grater: Thank you for agreeing to conduct this interview with us Mr Fils-Aime.
Reggie: Will you get out of the doorway to my hotel please?
PG: Mr Fils-Aime, would you say today was a resounding success?
Reggie: Yes, fine, whatever, look are you the bell boy or something?
PG: No I’m just wearing his uniform, Mr Fills A Mii, which of today’s announcements are you most pleased with today?
Reggie: Look kid, I just did a whole day of this shit, can I just go back to my hotel room in peace? Please?
PG: You’re avoiding the question Mr Fizz A Ski
Reggie: It’s Fils-Aime, and the price I guess, look I don’t care I just want to go take a bath.
PG: 3rd party support seems strong, but where were Square Enix?
Reggie: I don’t know; that’s a question for Mr Iwata I just do the American stuff. If you don’t move soon I’m going to call security.
PG: Just one final question Mr Kills a Bee, what are Retro studios currently up to?
Reggie: Retro? They’re doing a Metroid game aren’t they?
PG: Nothing has been announced.
Reggie: No, wait! It’s Donkey Kong! They’re doing Donkey Kong.
PG: You Mean Donkey Kong Country Returns?
Reggie: Yep, that’s the one, now can you fuck off?
PG: DKCR is already out Mr Bills a Plea.
Reggie: It is? Wait… so what you’re saying is that we haven’t told you what Retro are doing?
PG: Not on record no.
Reggie goes very pale
PG: Mr Gills on a Tree?
Reggie: I have to make a phone call. Several phone calls.
PG: Are you saying you don’t know what Retro is doing?
Reggie: Fuck off; you’ve ruined my evening you know that? I had a lavender bath bomb all prepared and now, NOW I have to go and deal with this.
PG: Mr Pills a Wii, thank you.
Reggie: Go die in a fire.