Gameloft Uncertain as to Who My Little Pony Game is Aimed At

Jeez Rarity looks terrifying in this… she’s just gazing at you… into you…

Developers at Gameloft Studios have expressed concern regarding the latest attempt to produce a My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic game for iOS; namely, they have no idea who it is for.

“Don’t get me wrong, we know it’ll sell,” said Michel Guillemot, Head of Gameloft and the best copyright lawyer this side of China. “It’s just we’re not sure who we’re supposed to aim it at. Obviously the characters and art are remaining as is but do we make it super easy or stupid hard? Kirby or Super Meat Boy? We’re dealing with the kind of problem the UN has to face when it tries to please everyone; nobody will be satisfied and a war will probably start. That’s probably not an exaggeration either.”

One proposed solution was to make the game hard and then add a “Derpy” mode for Gameloft’s younger customers. The proposed mode would replace the reaction timing intensity of “Rainbow Dash’s Big Race” with the much more casual targeted “Put Muffins in the Face of Derpy Hooves.” The proposed mode, however, was said to be offensive to people who can’t take a joke and was scrapped.

“We knew it was a risk when we took it,” agreed Mr Guillemot when I asked him if he thought it would be a risk when he took the deal. “But the potential returns on this are massive. We’ve made crap Spider-Man games, crap Batman games and even crap Not-Resident-Evil games, but the chance to make a crap My Little Pony game is a salivating prospect. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to do some concept art for Bed Space, our new horror shooter set in a mattress warehouse.”

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.