Coca Cola Sponsors all of Video Games

Today the Coca cola Company announced its latest move in corporate advertising by declaring it had signed a deal with every major publisher and distributor of video games and is now the official sponsor of the entire medium.

The contract that stipulates the deal says that from now on all video games must both promote and exclusively feature Coca Cola products and logos as part of the arrangement, and that anybody seen playing a video game who is consuming a rival product will be shot on sight.

“The move is one we had to make,” said EA’s Head of Excessive Marketing, Montgomery Bags.  “the video game industry is poor, so helpless it just has to find a way to help itself along. I mean look at us, we simple few who strive to make the games you love. How else could we make money outside of selling the games for enormous profit, charging for DLC, introducing the online pass, the creation of digital distribution and limited collector’s edition? Without the introduction of a universal sponsor to the medium what is a developer supposed to do other than compete in the marketplace?”

The sponsorship also extends to the gaming press who couldn’t be happier than they are right now working with a brand as trustworthy and fun as Coca Cola. Mmmm yessir we do love the taste of the sugary yet somehow healthy goodness. This whole sponsorship dealio is just a mighty fine excuse for us all to appreciate the Coca Cola things in life and learn to glug on down what God intended. 

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.