Apple to manufacture low-cost hobbyist device in USA – to be named Apple Pi

What does it do? Does it matter? FLAG. APPLE LOGO. BUY. CONSUME.

One of the unlikely winners of computing in 2012 was the small, hobbyist Raspberry Pi device. Costing just $25 and running Linux, the tiny computer has proved a hit with amateur computer scientists and teachers, as well as those who just want to do something neat for a low cost. Keen to develop on this expanding market, Apple have announced that, rather than moving production of an existing device to the USA as was originally their intention, they will instead be manufacturing the device, now known as the Apple Pi, in the Good Ol’ US of A.

CEO Tim Cook announced the move at a conference which saw the stage bedecked with American flags, with large screens showing footage of bald eagles, baseball pitches and slow-motion pans around the Statue of Liberty. “We know how much Americans America America” he began, “and Apple understands this America. And that’s why, from next month, we’re going to be producing our new product right here in the America of America. The new Apple Pi will combine the low* cost of the Raspberry Pi with the ease-of-use that you expect from Apple, and the America that you expect from America.” Cook still refuses to let on how he managed to speak a star.

The small computer, to be priced at the “very reasonable” $500, will be produced in American factories by American workers, which, Cook assured the assembled masses, would “adhere to the highest of (Chinese) safety standards. And you can rest assured, even the suicide nets will be American-made!”

The company has certainly not been without controversy when it comes to its working practices. Employees of subcontractors are paid minimal wages for long hours of menial tasks in an environment rife with urban decay, where organised crime lords control any idea of dissent. “Which is why,” said Cook, “we felt comfortable siting our first factories in Detroit.”

About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at