Zynga Shuts Down Facebook

Clifford the Big Red Social Gaming Magnate

Clifford the Big Red Social Gaming Magnate

Today ruthless business executive and CEO of Zynga, Mark “Good Boy” Pinkcus announced that the social networking add on to its biggest game like “FarmVille” and “Mafia Wars 2 – Don’t Worry It Doesn’t Change Much” will be closing it’s doors to the public very soon.

“It’s a shame but that’s the way it is unfortunately,” explained Mark on his golden throne he bought for 1.2 trillion Farmville dollars. “People are just less interested in socialising than they are in clicking stuff and watching animations. We were surprised too, but I guess that people just didn’t ‘like’ it. Ha! Like! Oh that’s excellent, Sandra, take a note, I’m a platinum level genius. Also buy another jet, I’m bored looking at this one, it reminds me too much of my last ex wife. She liked fucking huge wastes of space. Speaking of which can you throw this reporter out? He’s looking at me with his sad, poor eyes. I think he’s making my stock drop by breathing the air I turn away. Urgh…”

The shutdown will cause millions of users come to terms with a reality outside that of the bright and colourful world of facebook. Psychologists suggest that a complete lack of communication with other players (or “users” as the profession calls them) will cause severe distress and feelings of abandonment. If you encounter an ex-user simply grab hold of them and make sure they don’t poke you, as it is believed to be infectious. Remember: just because Zynga killed it doesn’t make it dead.

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.