Clearlake Capital to release THQombie

Braaaaaaaaain Farrell

Braaaaaaaaain Farrell

THQ is, sadly, dying a slow and prolonged death, and it has fallen in recent times to investment group Clearlake Capital to deliver the ultimate shotgun blast to the head, or else make the danger-fraught journey across the desolate city in order to find the cure, along with a band of misfits who…sorry, lost my train of thought there.

Anyway, my point is, Clearlake are planning to recoup the restructuring costs from the company the only way the media industry knows how – by combining everything about it into on, great-big zombie-shooter, to be called THQombie. Sadly, no pronunciation guide was provided along with the announcement, so we chose to imagine that it was pronounced like “Thkwom-bee”.

The game will focus on the heroic efforts of the hero, Roy Clearlake, as he attempts to do battle against the zombified former video-game company THQ, and attempt to save his girlfriend Allofthqs Worthwhileassets from its clammy grip. “We really think that we’ve nailed just what zombie games and THQ are about” said a spokesperson for Clearlake Capital, an investment group with no experience at all in developing video games. “Actually developing the game was much more simple than we were expecting – we needed a large workforce of experience video game developers and programmers who would be able to dedicate their full efforts towards this title, and who would naturally be desperate and willing to work for sub-minimum wage. And what do you know, we checked over our portfolio, and we had one!”

The title is expected to be released as soon as Clearlake can find a publisher. The spokesperson continued “we were looking through our portfolio earlier, and what do you know, we think we might just have one of those too!”

About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at