Joe Biden to Play Every Video Game


The vice President of America Mr Joe “One of my Best Friends is Black” Biden has declared today that in order to get a balanced view on the issue of gun violence being influenced by video games he will need to play every video game ever to see what effects they have on him. The Vice President outlined a plan to play every video game in order of their release schedule, from the original Space War to the newly released DmC: Devil May Cry. Full details of the plan can be found on Mr Biden’s website

“This is not something I do lightly,” explained Mr Biden in a press conference where we had a tiny remote controlled helicopter with a camera attached present. “I feel that to truly understand all sides of the argument I must engage with all the evidence, and so this is a task I must undergo for my own conscious. I have instructed the CIA to prepare a gaming chamber for me to play in, with every console ever released installed and plugged in. The chamber has been re-enforced with titanium in case the experience makes me an unstable gun nut like some scientist have been paid to think it might. As a result all my meals will be delivered via a slot in the front of the door to the chamber. Inside the chamber is a sweet double bass subwoofer gaming chair and a surround sound system that makes IMAX sound like an ipod speaker. This experiment is in no way a means for me to avoid to doing my job.”

Mr Biden expressed concern about leaving his family for so long, but said that he had “left instructions for feeding them with the nanny”. Mr Biden is 70 years old and should know better.

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.