Facebook unveils socialist search tool

Imagery? What imagery?

Imagery? What imagery?

Supreme Overlord of the People’s Democratic Website of Facebook Mark Zuckerberg has announced that the latest in a slew of unwanted features to the website will be a “socialist search”, intended to route out those who are either unfaithful to the regime, or are actually secret agents from the small Republic of Google+.

The new search tool will be usable both by administrators and users, with users encouraged to rat out their friends if they find subversive materials. It will scan the pages of users, as well as their interests, likes and chat history, in order to determine if they are secretly plotting to create a “1 million strong against the new layout” page whenever the company deigns to redesign itself again in accordance with its founding principles.

Supreme Overlord Zuckerberg announced the changes in a compulsory livestreamed address placed at the top of all users’ newsfeeds. “Subjects – er – users of the People’s Democratic Website of Facebook!” the dictator boomed, “I have come to announce great news! Our fight against the subversive elements from Google+ and the Myspace Rebels has taken a turn for the better! From today, all users will be able to help in the glorious battle to rid ourselves of these socialist menaces, with their ideas of “user-input” and “not being evil”! We are one billion strong! We shall be one billion more! All shall tremble before us! Like if you agree! Comment if you will be joining the fight! Share for extra Farmville bread rations!”

The site’s users momentarily glanced up at Zuckerberg, before promptly ignoring him and going off to sign petitions against the vast curbs on civil liberties imposed by the US government.

PixelGrater would like to make it clear that we are loyal citizens to the regime and would in no way attempt to subvert Overlord Zuckerburg’s authority.


About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at cieran@pixelgrater.com.