The News in Poetry: Atari goes Under and God of War Single Player Demo

Games in those days certainly had...wait for LAN.

Atari declares Bankruptcy (Guest Editor: W H Auden)

As Atari set out one decade
With intentions in their head
To found a game company
And never find it dead

It swore to all gamers
It lifted its voice up high
“We shall be with you forever”
“For you know we cannot die”

“With licences like Asteroids”
“And Pong’s still in its prime”
“Together we shall conquer all”
“We’ll even conquer time”

But all the clocks in the city
Began to whirr and chime:
‘O let not Time deceive you,
You cannot conquer Time.

ET shall bring you misery
Cenetepaede a pain
And despite the Witcher’s efforts
All shall be done in vain

Where the Indies ruffle the banknotes
From Kickstarters of the past
Where Sonic is driving a car
Despite the fact he runs fast

It was early in the 2010s
And Atari they had gone
The clocks had ceased their chiming
But the release schedules ran on…

God of War Ascension to Get Single Player Demo (Guest Editor: Wilfred Owen)

Stripped bare like Spartans of old
Slashed free the online shackles and through cursed bugs
Till on the installing screens we turned our backs
And towards a distant release we teased ourselves
Left the console to sleep while it downloaded
It whirred on, power shot, all loud and overheating
Drunk with firmware; deaf to all but Singstar mics
Of tired, outstripped, sixth game in a series that now lags behind
Prequel! Prequel! Quick, boys! Amongst an ecstasy of narrative fumbling
Fitting clumsy plotlines to retcon time
But some loose ends still out there to stumble over
And flound’ring in interviews for the rest of time
Dim through dusty plastic a small green light,
And next to green light a blue one blinking
Tis like that dream I had last night
So I plunge in, mashing, twirling, clicking.
If in some smoother screens this game did take place
Behind the wagon it jumps upon
And watch white fury of the Spartan race
Of their violence we are like a devil sick of sin
The sound of every jolt, of every new blood
Comes gargling satisfyingly from the speakers that surround
Obscene as cancer, shitter than what it could
Of vile, inescapable bores of innocence worn
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To executives ardent for some desperate profit,
The old Lie: Adding a multiplayer mode
Will make your game more successful.

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.