Silent Hill’s Only Hospital to Close


SILENT HILL- AMERICA Following literally numerous complaints from patients at the Alchemilla Hospital in the town of Silent Hill, authorities have announced that following an independent inquiry into events at the hospital and the quality of care offered, the town’s only hospital is to close.

Several patients have complained to state authorities that they were trapped in the hospital against their will and were transported to a hellish netherworld where, although there were more nurses on duty, they seemed to have each been sealed inside their own skin and filled with a murderous rage. One survivor, a James Sutherland, said: “All I wanted to do was come in and visit my wife, who died years ago but sent me a letter to say she was still alive and wanted me to find her here. Then all of a sudden I’m being attacked by nurses a clone of my wife is being murdered multiple times, and a giant Pyramid-headed creature keeps appearing out of nowhere and attacks me constantly, until a second one turns up and they both kill themselves. Not a lot of it made sense, looking back now.”

When it was put to the independent expert in charge of the report, retired police officer Leon S. Kennedy, that these witness accounts were clearly just the ramblings of madmen, he replied “You know, I’ve never really liked Silent Hill, always used to see it as a bit of a threat, but looking at it now, or as much of it as I can see through all this fog, it really seems to have gone downhill. Closing this hospital gives people one less reason to ever come here, and all the more reason to visit the beautiful town of Raccoon City, just on the other side of the mountains.”

The Mayor of Silent Hill, a Mr A.N. Onymous, responded, “Clearly this Kennedy has always had it in for our little town since the beginning. Sure we have problems with cultists creating gods by burning pregnant teenagers alive, then creating convoluted traps to lure them into our town, but what small American town doesn’t have these problems? Frankly all the people coming here looking for answers to their unusual, amnesia-based problems have been a positive boon to our tourism industry, and sales of pocket radios and torches are through the roof. Of course there’s too few nurses on duty and those who do are angry towards their patients- it’s America, we provide healthcare at the lowest possible cost.”

Unfortunately, before he could make any further comment, Mr Onymous was mysteriously abducted by a UFO.

About David Maguire