“We call it Three Stooge‘s Syndrome”
Following the successful deployment of their latest blockbuster hit Error 37, Blizzard have announced that they will be following up May’s smash-hit with some well-timed server maintenance, “for your convenience”
The maintenance, which will be happening around the world from 12am, wherever your time zone is, has been carefully timed to ensure that the maximum number of people are aware that the company, despite being a world leader in online entertainment provision, still has a woefully under-prepared server array.
“We’re really excited about this” said Michael Morhaime, because that’s how quotes from industry people always start in articles detailing the release of a new product, “with our latest round of server maintenance, we’re confident that 99.9% of our customers will be affected in some way by our actions. So if you encounter, for any reason at all, slowness and unresponsiveness from our servers come September 25th, know that it is deliberate and planned and we will have the situation fully under control, and that there is no other reason for any outages.”
The company claims that the servers require a desperate upgrade “in the area of the gigabit-lightcycle interchange”, and that their “Northbridge architecture is due for an update to its GPM-SUG”, all of which will require around 24 hours of downtime. “So please don’t try to access our servers during that time” said Morhaime, “you’ll only be making things worse. For yourself I mean. You don’t want to play on an outdated gigabit-lightcycle exchange do you?”
The company hasn’t been entirely forthcoming with information however, and many in the industry are waiting with bated breath to find out what number the Error Code which will invariably prevent them from playing any Blizzard games is.
This combined with yesterday’s Steam outage caused me to go into a hat-induced shock. Despite it’s name the seizure was actually caused by a LACK of hats rather than an increase in them. I’m happy to report that I survived the hour by browsing the Hat Workshop, I mean Steam Workshop (but let’s be honest all it’s there for is hats).