Nintendo on the Defensive After Ordering 4 Million Xbox 360s

The scratches? They’re…a feature!

Nintendo is on the defensive this week after a large US-based retailer released sales figures showing that the company had recently placed an order with them for four million of competitor Microsoft’s Xbox 360 console. While this in itself was cause for some raised eyebrows in Redmond the really interesting part is what else Nintendo ordered – namely several million sheets of sandpaper and some transferable Wii U logos. After the large purchases were all leaked to the press, the company broke its silence.

“We bought these consoles purely to provide incentives to our… uh… employees” stated President of NoA Reggie Fils-Aime in a hastily-convened press conference. “Since, y’know, everyone already has a Wii, what better present would there be than to give each of our employees an estimated 800 Xbox 360s. And the sandpaper? Well that’s for research into desert levels. The Wii U transfers are just so employees can put them on the back of their cars. We’re anticipating that at 800 transfers per car, we should be getting a lot of positive advertising.”

With 360s now available for  around $200, and the company needing to be seen by investors as cutting costs, especially given the supposed $80m development cost of the Wii U, this has been seen as something of a risky move. Indeed, this isn’t the first time that Nintendo have made bizarre purchases in the lead-up to a console release – in early 2006 a suspiciously large purchase of duct-tape and a buyback of second-hand GameCubes caused shares in 3M to soar.

In unrelated news, Microsoft have confirmed that they received an extensive order for 4 million Smartglass enabled tablets from an “unknown, Japanese buyer”.

Reggie finished his statement by claiming that “we as a company are committed to the utmost quality on all of our products, which is why we’ve decided to announce now that all new Wii U consoles will come with a three-year guarantee against Red Ring of… uh… I mean, against general hardware failure.”

About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at