Sony Accidentally Releases Entire Year’s Worth of Firmware

In a shocking revelation it seems Sony Computer Entertainment has accidentally unleashed a year’s worth of firmware updates in a single evening. The patches, previously expected be have been developed in response to piracy efforts and game glitches appear to be entirely planned, with some of the notes revealing future game scandals such as “The Last of Us Credit Card copier removed due to fan complaints” and “LittleBigPlanet Karting patched out of existence.”

“It’s been a hell of a day for us over here at Sony,” said my friend Gary, who works in the Q&A department of Sony’s Santa Monica studio. “We put so much work into those firmware updates, I mean literally months. We had even got it so one of the firmware patches took well over an hour to download and made no visible difference to the entire console. That was a real proud moment for the team, but this has ruined everything.”

Now stuck with having to allow users to get all the firmwares in one bulk download (something that can take the PS3 console and entire week to complete) Sony have issued an apology explaining to users that “Those with PSN+ subscriptions will get a free month, those without will get some new shoes for Home and those who have remained offline… well lucky you we guess. But do get online! Please! But not now. Give it a week or so.” Sony have also explained that although this release of firmware keeps the PS3 busy for an entire year, they will still be back to their normal release schedule within a few months. “After all,” said my mate Gary, “we don’t want anyone realising you can just stick a USB stick with the game files into any old PS3 to pirate the games. That was off record, right? No you can’t quote that! STOP THIS INTERVIEW RIGHT NOW!”

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.