Tetris Cited as Reason Man Demolished Building

This is of course unrealistic. One would never have that many line pieces, and building a tower up like that is ludicrously hard.

In the wake of the horrifying news that a city block in Devorner had been blown up by 23 year old Henry Kallus, police interrogators revealed that they think the game Tetris may be responsible. In a quote that accidentally ended up in our spam folder police chief commissioner Gary Oldman (not that Gary Oldman) said “We inspected Henry Kallus’ property as part of the investigation and found several copies of the game Tetris. Upon further inspection we discovered that Mr Kallus had attained a high score well above the known Guinness World Record. Despite our best efforts, no police man has managed to beat his score.”

The discovery has lead to a media outcry from various outlets, with CNN suggesting the banning of block based games, the Daily Mail asking for a blanket ban on all puzzle games and Fox News demanding a ban on hands and eyes. The outcry has come with it’s own share of criticism, with vocal libertarians making their view be known.

“It’s not right just to censor something because it’s inspiration for a horrible event” said Penn Jilette, inventor of the disappearing razor blade. “People deserve their rights and to have a blanket ban on puzzle games is simply wrong. In fact, I’ll go further than that, the government should be, by law, forced to make every politician complete a level of Tetris to understand how important it is. Regulation is always wrong, if I want to play target practice with my .44 caliber handgun whole smoking weed and juggling flaming seal babies then I want to do it in god damn America!”

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.