PS Vita approaching “Full Functionality”

We’re not entirely sure what these do yet, but apparently at some point we’ll find out.

Today Sony announced that the Playstion Vita was swiftly approaching what it described as “full functionality” and will soon be able to do what everyone expected it to do in the first place. This revelation means that soon the Vita will be able to play all PS1 games, connect to the internet and even tell the time.

“We’re extremely excited,” said Fredrick Guntherberg, Head of the PS Vita recovery program. “The fact that we’re actually beginning to deliver on the promise of basic functionality is a huge step up from the initial product. We’re even beginning to get some decent games on the platform; LittleBigPlanet PS Vita is actually quite fun, I’ve played some of it even when I didn’t have to!”

The recent and indeed rapid succession of Vita updates has surprised users and provided many with far more things to do than they first thought.

“I was utterly bewildered when I turned my Vita on and discovered I could play the games I’d bought on it!” said an anonymous source “I was looking forward to just staring at the start up screen for a good hour, but now I can play my copy of Resident Evil 2 and everything. To be honest it feels like the console was designed to do this, so I’m surprised I’m only discovering it now.”

These new features also closes off the opportunity for owners of the Vita to sue Sony for failing to provide a product that does what it’s supposed to do in the first place.

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.