Angry Birds Catches STD off Star Wars

At midnight last night the Angry Birds franchise was rushed to a hospital after it collapsed unexpectedly in the app store. Doctors and nurses quickly revived the franchise, and revealed that their diagnosis was that Angry Birds has contracted an STD (Series Transmitted Disease) from its recent fling with Star Wars. The announcement, which was made by Rovio that evening, was a heartfelt plea to the media to respect Angry Bird’s privacy.

“We understand this is a hell of a story for you,” explained Rovio’s head of PR “But if you’re going to take pictures we ask you form an orderly queue and pay $250 per shot. We don’t want anybody thinking Angry Birds is a cheap whore. Ha! Cheep! Sorry, made a pun. Anyway, yes, who is first?”

The disease is believed to be “Glouingnous Stimitus” in which the infected franchise ends up putting light sabres on absolutely everything for no discernible reason. The disease is spread via a simple cross over, and often weakens the imagination of any franchise before eventually causing it to dull out all together. Bioware was recently infected, resulting in the production of The Old Republic and has lead to a substantial decline in the studio’s overall quality of output.

“Disease? Sure, you hypocritical haters might call it a disease,” said George Lucas after we trapped him in a cage baited with Star Wars VHSs. “It’s a way of making everything more exciting! You walking down a corridor? Put in a light sabre and BAM! Now you’re striding down a corridor! Made making 3 more Star Wars films much easier!”

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.