Activision – “Guns not included” in Wii U BLOPS 2

Edited box-art, for Wii U and general German/Australian release

It turns out that not only will the Wii U version of Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 not include Call of Duty: Elite at launch, but it will also lack the seemingly essential feature of “guns”.

The “guns” feature of the game allows certain players who utilise it to attack both computer controlled enemies as well as player-controlled avatars in online multiplayer however it seems that with this latest situation, Wii U users will be forced to either use melee weapons such as knives or else solve their problems through complex dialogue trees and negotiations with other players.

Nintendo have denied any meddling in developer Treyarch’s creative process, noting that “we’re not like that any more! We even let Sega release MadWorld. It’s not our fault if no-one played it, or indeed that it wasn’t very good. This is a matter for developers and their own games. If Activision don’t want to include the guns feature then that’s their prerogative not ours.”

Activision and Treyarch have been silent on the issue, even after we repeatedly threw rocks at their windows. However one anonymous source within the company did confirm that it was entirely possible that Activision was “just fucking with” Nintendo players.

Wii U players have received unexpected sympathy from a certain demographic however, with all eighteen people who play Call of Duty on PC offering their condolences. “We know how it feels” said William “[CLAN]de4thsnip3” Graves, “Activision have been screwing us over for decades. And I really want to pay $50 to get a $15 map pack two weeks early!”


About Cieran Douglass

Cieran built this website in a cave with a bunch of scraps. Actually no that's not right at all, it was with Wordpress and middling Photoshop and design skills. He often plays video games and his favourites are Paper Mario TTYD, GTA San Andreas, Portal 2 and Minecraft. His display picture is not an accurate portrayal. He currently works for a much bigger website at the University of York, but if you'd like him to write something for you he can be contacted at