Suddenly Nothing is Coming Out in Spring 2013

The recent announcement of Grand theft Auto V being released in Spring 2013 has lead to an unexpected “Spring drought” appearing in several publisher’s release schedule. The move, believed to have been created by the expecting sales and media coverage of GTAV means that the entirety of Spring has, in essence, been cancelled.

It’s not just video games either. Several film companies have declared that next spring  is likely to leave most theatres empty, and so all films have been postponed until at least the summer. Couple that with the announcement that all TV is going to be suspended for the quarter and suddenly you begin to realise the large range impact of GTAV on media.

But it doesn’t end there. The political bodies of the world have also declared that next spring will be a blackout period for any and all announcements, and all current wars and conflicts will be temporarily suspended to make room for GTAV. Many terrorists have agreed that trying to cause panic and chaos at a time of GTAV would be both impossible and untactful given the circumstances.

Indeed the long standing implications of the release of GTAV essentially push forward the idea that all economies that don’t stock GTAV will almost instantly collapse come the release of the game, and that any businesses that fail to invest in GTAV will simply crumble into dust. All must purchase GTAV or face the inevitable destruction of there lives. It’s not just a video game it is a supporting foundation of western society, and if you do not engage with it we shall drive you out of our world. All hail Rockstar, gods of the age!

This week’s article brought to you by 2k marketing.

About Lewis Dunn

Lewis got into gaming as a child, when he was handed the portable version of crack cocaine, known colloquially as Tetris. He would spend hours trying to make blocks form lines so they would disappear never to return. At the age of 8 he had his first existential crisis as to what happens to blocks that disappear. Lewis has a deep love of humour in games, with some of his favourites being No More Heroes, Brutal Legend & Portal. Lewis enjoys writing bios in the third person.