Valve: “In future, it’s easier to just declare whenever we don’t have a sale”

More discounts than a ghetto Sesame Street.

More discounts than a ghetto Sesame Street.

As the Christmas Sale opens, Valve are once again bathed in the goodwill of the collective Internet, as prices for games on Steam plummet faster than a thing which plummets fast and is also Christmas-related in order to tie the joke into the theme of the article. However, several people have noticed that there’s actually been very little plummeting going on at all, as the Steam store seems to have been in a state of near-perpetual sale since June.

“Now that we think about it, it probably would be easier just to declare whenever we stop discounting games in our store,” said Gabe Newell. “First there was the Pre-Summer Sale, that one was popular. The next two weeks were the Summer Sale, everyone loves those. Then there was the “Post-Sale Extravaganza Sale”, which was followed by four or five other sales before the Autumn Sale, Post-Thanksgiving-But-Pre-Christmas Sale and finally the Christmas sale. We’ve only actually had about two weeks where we’ve not been applying 50%-off to Half-Life 2 since the summer!”

Following the revelation, the company will now only be announcing “Non-Sales”, and is confident that they’ll generate the same buzz that the sales have done for the past three years. “We anticipate people queuing up to pay $60 for old EA titles and last years Call of Duty” continued Newell, maybe we’ll even theme them around certain non-events in the year, like Whitsun, or Easter.”

Not everyone has been pleased by the perpetual sale however, with many other figures in the gaming industry announcing that they’ll be doubling their Recommended Retail Pricing in order to counterbalance Valve’s enforced sales. Said Bobby Kotick, “we decided to take a leaf out of the books of those brick-and-mortar stores we’re so diligently trying to run into the ground.”

About Cieran Douglass

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